She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
