I need to stop coming to work sober
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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