I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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