I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
