My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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