My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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