There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
