i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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