Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize