im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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