Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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