You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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