Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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