Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
