Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
