I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
