You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Let's paint friendship bongs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
