Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
