At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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