Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
