i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
