A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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