Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
