That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
