So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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