If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
