i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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