fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
