im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
