Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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