I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize