just tell him i said nine months
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
