Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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