remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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