im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
