Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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