So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
