i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
