just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
