I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
