It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
