I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
