Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
