remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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