Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize