theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
