Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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