Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
