Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What drink are we having for lunch?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
