i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
