i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
