So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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