I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
