a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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