i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
