I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
