That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize