Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
