I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
