And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
