The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
time to smoke my breakfast
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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