If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't deserve a penis
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
