are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
