brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have post one night stand depression
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