Don't you send me to vm
just come out here and I will go home with you...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
