I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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