Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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