I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
