I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
