good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
