He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I believe in your delicious
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
