I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
