Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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