Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
