I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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