he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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