i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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