it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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