I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
