Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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