guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did you pee in the oven last night??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
