maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
