I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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