how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
