I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
