dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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