He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
