Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
