I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You can't just leave with hair like that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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