Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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