and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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