The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just high enough for therapy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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