im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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