The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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