I'm lost and stupid without you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
