Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
